Evidences for Opportunity Awareness
Contents
1. “Happiness Spots of Eindhoven” Assignment for Wacko Wednesday
2. "My Meaningful Moment" Assignment for Wacko Wednesday and Feedback from Jacky van de Goor
3. “Food for the Heart “ Assignment for Relationships of the Future
4. Organizing International Women's Day Themed Events for Wacko
5. “Completion” Assignment for Effective Compassionate Communication
7. Self Assesment
6. Lian Feedback: amaç değiştirme
Alina, Nursen and Sacdiya form a trio for this week’s assignment ‘Guides to Happiness’. We stepped out of our comfort zone for a greater purpose: finding ‘happy spots’, places that make people smile, be happy or define them in Eindhoven. We approached 3 strangers in the centrum of Eindhoven to find out their story and personal preferences in terms of places and happiness.
We asked stranger one and she was willing to respond to our questions. We developed a full conversation and we found out she was from South Africa, she moved to the Netherlands 7 months ago and found a job that will start in April. She shared that her happiness spot was Happiness Café and cafeterias in general, because it leaves an open door for her to relax, and make great connections with her friends. We insisted for her to share more as she was willing to have a broader conversation with her and told us another happy spot for her was Philips de Jongh Park, because of her connection with nature that makes her feel good, relaxed and happy. There she has picnics, takes walks and enjoys nature.
Stranger number 2 was a young man drinking his coffee alone, next to Dunkin Donnut. We approached him and he was willing to share his happiness spot. He mentioned Philips Stadium is his happy place, as that’s the place that gathers him and his friends, he enjoys watching the match and drinking beer. His second happy spot is represented by the shopping streets, as he enjoys shopping and crowded places.
We challenged ourselves, as we initially established to approach younger people to reduce the chances of rejection, but we wanted to step out of our comfort zone and go a step further and approach older people even if language barriers might show up. Therefore, stranger number 3 was a lovely old lady that made an effort to speak to us in English, and we found out that she is from the Netherlands, and lives somewhere close to Strip-S. She mentioned that Strip-S is actually her happy spot because of the diversity of people and their new and different ideas, and the way the area looks, the technology around and that Movie House-Cinema has a special place for her because in that area the Cinema is small, more private and personal, and it reminds her of her youth. Another great place for her soul is Rabauw Factory. It gives her the opportunity to tastes all kinds of beer and connect with people with mental problems that are there. The community created gives her a peace.
Tips for happiness:
1. Be with your family-make new connections-meet new people or at least observe them!
2. Grow within your hobbies-explore them!
3. Connect with nature in all possible ways!
Our happy spots:
Nursen: Lived close to a beach, walking on the beach makes her feel happy and relax, proceeds with meditation on the beach, feeling free, connecting with nature, raises her good mood. Fontys in Eindhoven, the process or learning and sharing experiences with people makes her feel good.
Sacdiya: Happy place wherever her son is, the zoo, parks- connection with nature-started going there when she had her son and realized it is a great place and she enjoys it as well, a garden where you can pick your own food from trees, fresh eggs, nature- all this became a ritual in which all activities involve spending quality time with her son. In Helmond, little restaurant where only people with Down Syndrome or difficulties are employed, appreciating other people for their efforts and empathise with them
Alina: I have a lot of happy spots, when I look back, I realise that the things that make me happy are really easy to reach out to. The first one is the Saturday’s market in Eindhoven because of the flowers. It reminds me of my mother, she loves them and always has them in her home. Mountains in Romania with my family, when I go there, I think of the happy times I had with my family. My family is big, and we go on trips together. This also gives me an opportunity to connect with nature. When I go back home, I feel happy because I get to see my family and I appreciate them more now that I moved to the Netherlands.Amsterdam is also one of my happy spots, especially the tulips. When I go there, I think about my family and the trips we take in the mountains.
Why did I this assignment to this theme?
As I explained in the self-awareness section, I often feel anxious when interacting with people because of my thoughts that I am unlovable and inadequate. In the past, I used alcohol, drugs, or avoided people and events to reduce the anxiety. However, most of the time I did not use these control mechanisms in this minor. For example, in this task, I defused my unhelpful thoughts by thanking my mind and talked to strangers instead of avoiding them, even though I felt anxious. The people we spoke to approached us very warmly, and I also realized that my useless thoughts were not always true, as I did not hesitate to talk to people and see their positive attitude towards me.
"My Meaningful Moment" Assignment for Wacko Wednesday
Rising from the Ashes
Before I tell about my meaningful memory, I would like to give some contex information. I had a hard time for months after being sexually harassed about 3 years ago. At that time, I was eating very little at the time, I wasn't leaving the house, I was sleeping all the time. My sense of security had been damaged so I didn't want to communicate or interact with anyone.
However, months after this event, I participated in the March 8 protest due to the insistence of a friend. It was hopeful for me after a long time to see all that colorful crowd in action. I still remember very vividly that colorful image, the slogans that were shouted about sexism, and the banners that were about patriarchy. Because that day I felt that I was not alone and that I belonged to a group. Since that day, I have gradually become stronger and I have continued to contribute to this women's movement that has helped me in the healing process.
Letter to Myself
Dear Nursen,
First of all, I congratulate myself for showing vulnerability and sharing this memory in front of many people, even though it is difficult for me. Yes, maybe it was hard to tell about this memory, but the feedback I received from my friends afterwards was very empowering and inspiring.
*Notes that my friends wrote to me after sharing this memory.
At the same time, this moment reminded me that I was part of a large group, which is the women's movement. I remembered that my goals in life are not only related to me, I have meaningful goals in life, such as fighting for the rights of other women, showing women who are suffering from any form of sexism that they are not alone. Also, I realized once again how important values such as equality are to me on the occasion of telling this memoir.
Finally, I am glad that I shared this memory because it has led to important awareness for me and I felt that I had support from others.
Why did I this assignment to this theme?
Since I was sexually abused, I have told very few people about this incident. And ever since, I've been questioning myself what I could have done to provoke his unwanted advances. I felt shame and guilt about this incident. In our roundtable conversation for Women's day, some of my classmates talked about the harassment they had been subjected to. However, that day I didn't mentioned about my incident and listened to them because this topic was very difficult for me. But in this assignment, I felt that I was ready. Although I knew that telling about this incident would wear me down emotionally, I wanted to share it thinking that it would reduce my feeling of guilt and that I would get support. Therefore, I disclosed this memory by showing vulnerability. After telling this incident, I got a lot of support from my friends and we talked about how common victim blaming is. These have changed my perspective on this memory and myself, and it made me say that I am glad I explained this memory.
Feedback from Jacky van de Goor
Why did I this assignment to this theme?
In this assignment, we described a topic that interests us about the heart and relational skills and shared a resource on it. In the description of this assignment, Inge shared Esther Perel's this quote “If you desire freedom, go explore. Dare yourself. Take risks. Push yourself where you haven’t allowed yourself to go. Take someone new with you into the places that you love.” This saying inspired me and I wanted to focus on a subject that I had difficulty at that moment, rather than talking about something ordinary.
Because I had just moved to the Netherlands, I didn't have any friends I was close to and I was lonely. That's why I researched the topic of how to build deep relationships with people. I listened to Stanford lecturers David Bradford and Carole Robin on podcast where they talk about six characteristics of an exceptional relationship and their relevance to all relationships in our lives, from friends to family and colleagues. I shared and recommended this podcast in this video assignment. At the same time, I continue to use the methods they explain to establish a deep relationship, such as vulnerability and dealing with conflicts efficiently, to make my relationships with people an exception.
Organizing International Women's Day Themed Events for Wacko 4
Why did I add this to this theme?
I took part in the Women's Day organizing team. We had many meetings with this team and as a result we have prepared a pretty nice Women's Day themed program for Wacko 4. First, we introduced Women's Day as an organizing team that day. Later, Montserrat Fragoso Fonseca, a guest speaker from Mexico, gave a speech about feminism and talked about her own life story. Our next activities were self defense lesson with Nathalie and round table conversation. In this round table conversation, we talked about difficulties of menstruation and catcalling.
At first, I was undecided whether to take part in this group or not, because I was worried that I wouldn't be able to express myself very well due to my anxiety. Instead of reducing my anxiety by avoiding the meetings, I dared to voice my opinions out loud, which also reduced my anxiety and gave me self-confidence. This event was an opportunity for me to do something different from what my unhelpful thoughts dictated.
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“Completion” Assignment for Effective Compassionate Communication
In this assignment, we chose a memory that was not completed for us in the past, and we wrote 3 letters about the incident. These 3 letters were: The Emotions Letter, The Responsibility Letter, The Acknowledgment Letter. Also, we tore up these letters after this assignment.
The topic I chose for this assignment was about when we suddenly stopped talking to a friend I was very close to 2 years ago. The emotions letter gave me an opportunity to write down my feelings about this event, and the letter of responsibility made me think about what I could have done differently about it. I understood that the problems between us grew because we avoided solving small problems between us, that is, because we adopted an avoidant and passive aggressive communication style. In the acknowledgment letter, it was an opportunity for me to see that this resentment I experienced were not just bad. Because I drew an important conclusion for myself from this event. Even when relationships go bad, we can see them as opportunities to learn about ourselves and relationships.
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